The Topic of Remakes
by PotCFan101
Summary: I was watching those HISHE YouTube videos of the Superhero Café and the Villain Pub, and I got inspired to write this parody, where Andy and Chucky go to their respected bars to hang out with the friends, and discuss their remakes and reboots of their franchises. Rated M solely for the language.
1. Part 1: The Drunken Corpse

Chucky walked down a cracked sidewalk and looked up at a sign. It was a dark and stormy night, and the lights were dimmed, but the killer doll could still read the sign. _The Drunken Corpse_. With a sly smile, Andy strolled inside, surveying the area and eyeing the bar, which was tended by a man in a bloody apron and a human face for a mask.

"Oi, Bubba!" Chucky called out. "Gimme a mug full of Yuengling!"

Leatherface wordlessly nodded, and began filling a large mug.

"Beat it, kid!" Chucky heard someone sneer at him. "You gotta be of age in here!"

"Go play in the microwave, asshole." Chucky turned around, coming face to face with a burned man wearing a bladed glove, a fedora, and a red and green striped sweater. "Oh yeah, Freddy, you already have!" For a moment, the two killers stood their ground, staring each other down, until Chucky jumped up and gave Krueger a fist bump.

"How ya been, Chuck?" Freddy asked. "It's been a while! The gang's all here!"

"Been well, thanks." Chucky looked past Krueger, noticing that Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers were sitting in a booth behind Freddy. "Got room for one more?"

"Always." Freddy smirked. Chucky trotted on over to where his friends were and sat down, just as Leatherface set down his mug of beer. "Hey, I heard you got a reboot."

"Yeah…" Chucky grumbled, drinking his beer. "I don't know what to think about it."

"Yeah, going from voodoo to hi tech?" Freddy chuckled. "That's gotta be a bitch."

Michael began scribbling something down on a notepad and set it in the middle of the table.

"_At least you got voiced by the guy who plays the Joker._" Chucky read off. "True. But he still can't hold a candle to yours truly."

"_I rather liked the remake._" Jason wrote down in a compliment. "_It felt like a breath of fresh air. Besides, you finally made it back to the theaters._"

"Momma's boy is right!" Freddy laughed. "How long's it been since your son fucked everything up? Fifteen years?"

"Just about." Chucky muttered. "No wonder Tiff and I don't talk about him."

"Hey, it could be worse." Freddy took a sip of his Jack Daniels whiskey. "At least yours wasn't produced by that Transformers guy."

"_Bay wasn't involved in my remakes._" Michael wrote.

"Yeah, but they were directed by that guy who's known for music videos." Chucky roared with laughter. "He made you look like a whiny bitch! Even whinier than Jason here!"

"_Shut the fuck up!_" Jason wrote. "_At least I wasn't turned into a pedophile!_"

"You wanna have round two, Voorhees?" Freddy growled, brandishing his claws. "Keep your damn mouth shut!"

"Hey, guys, guys!" Chucky jumped up onto the table. "We all have some shitty moments in our… remakes. Freddy touched little kids. Michael became a little bitch when he was a boy. Jason did a bunch of shit he wouldn't do. I'm now a miniature fucking Terminator. Hell, that Transformers dick even got his hands on Leatherface." Everyone turned around, seeing Leatherface trying to ignore them, while pouring out drinks.

"...But at the end of the day, we're still here. Like what I told my wife once, a true classic never goes out of style." With that, Chucky raised his mug, signalling a toast.

"TO THE ORIGINALS!"

"Hear, hear!" Freddy smirked, while Jason and Michael nodded, before everyone downed their alcohol. As Chucky was ordering another round, a leather bound book with a distorted face floated towards their table.

"_Lucky me, I didn't change much with my remake_." the book gloated.

"You're a fucking Necronomicon. Why would you?" Freddy groaned.

"Besides, you had one tiny change…" Chucky grinned, talking out his knife and cutting the face off of the book. "...That happened." Chucky and Freddy cackled in delight, as the Necronomicon floated away, and the four friends ordered another round.


	2. Part 2: The Survivor's Bar

Andy Barclay approached the bar and looked at the neon sign on the window. The window kept flashing the words _Survivor's Bar_ in big bold letters. Smiling to himself, Andy opened the door, and was instantly greeted by the bartender, an older man wearing a blue shirt, and had a prosthetic right hand.

"Hello, Andy." the bartender smirked. "Same thing?"

"You bet, Ash." Andy smiled back. "One Blady's, still in the bottle."

"You got it." Ash Williams replied, and pulled out a bottle from under the bar. "Your friends are waiting for you." Ash pointed to the far side of the bar, where Laurie Strode, Tommy Jarvis, and Nancy Thompson sat, already drinking their beers.

"Thanks." Andy grabbed his bottle and sat down with everyone else, where they were already deep in conversation.

"How've you been, Barclay?" Tommy asked, grinning as Andy sat own. "I heard you got a remake."

"Yeah." Andy groaned. "I honestly didn't think it'd happen."

"Then how did it?" Laurie asked, looking up from her liquor.

"Well, it turns out there was a legal loophole about having rights to the first outing, but not any of the sequels." Andy explained. "So, if this remake gets a sequel, it can't do what the series has already done."

"And, you're upset." Nancy noted.

"Of course I'm upset." Andy grumbled. "Why would they do this? I still have to save Nica from being possessed by Chucky. I have a show coming out next year, dammit!"

"I doubt it'll last long." Ash chuckled, as he was using a rag to clean the inside of a mug. "I once had a show, then it got canned after three seasons."

"Shut up, Williams!" Laurie commanded. "You didn't even appear in your remake. You got replaced by a few younger guys!"

"That's not true, I cameoed after the credits!" Ash argued. "And at least I didn't turn into some crazy slut, unlike you when Rob Zombie got ahold of you!"

"Jesus, enough!" Tommy piped up. "None of us have a perfect track record. Laurie went nuts in her remakes, while Ash barely showed up. Hell, I wasn't even in my remake."

"True." Nancy added. "I don't think they changed too much with mine though. Except my name."

"You forgot they changed your friends names, and made Krueger a pedophile." Ash mumbled. Nancy quickly shot Williams a glare, which he shrugged off, but remained silent.

"So what's up with yours?" Tommy asked Andy.

"Well, to start, Chucky's a robot toy now." Barclay began. "I'm deaf, I have a couple friends, and my mom acts like a babysitter in the remake."

"But, the doll is voiced by Luke Skywalker." Jarvis reasoned. "That's a huge plus, especially since no one connected to your original series is involved.

"Yeah, I guess so." Andy groaned, staring at his bottle.

"Look, our point is, we all have spotty remakes." Nancy told Barclay. "We're not perfect. The best we can do is accept it for what it is, and move on. And hey, we still have the originals."

"I'll drink to that." Andy smiled, holding up his bottle in a toast. "To the originals!" The other survivors grinned, holding up their drinks and repeating the phrase.

"TO THE ORIGINALS!"


End file.
